So I was at the OB yesterday, waiting 45 minutes for my appointment, which I was not pleased about, but it's summer time and I don't really have much else going on so it wasn't a big deal, and sometime it will be my turn to take all of the doctor's time, so I was reading a Pregnancy magazine. I generally avoid them because reading too much makes me over-analyze and freaks me out, so Bryan says I'm not allowed to. But I had already read all the regular magazines in such a long wait. As I was looking through, trying not to pay too much attention to what it was saying, I realized why I'm not totally thrilled about being pregnant and having a baby: (besides the fact that pregnancy sucks)
I'm totally stressed out about it. I've just been ignoring it and so it comes across as just being not excited. I DO NOT do well with new situations. Ask my sister or Bryan. I don't go on vacations to places I haven't been before or am not with someone who has been there. Mom and Dad gave us the Christmas present of sending us on a cruise for Spring Break, which was SO great of them to do for us, but I could only agree to it because Bryan speaks Spanish (the cruise was to Mexico.) Just checking in for the cruise had me completely freaked out. Cathie thought I should have been fine because it's a very controlled atmosphere. We were on the boat the whole time and when we got off, it was with group tours provided by the cruise line. That is the only way I survived that experience.
Going on a mission was ultra-super-stressful, too. I only survived the MTC because, again, it was a very controlled atmosphere. And going to Canada....well, I have no doubt that the Lord gives extra blessings to missionaries. It's the only way I survived the whole thing. I took over as "Travel Leader" in the airport on the way to Canada because I thought the Elder in charge was going to get us lost and miss our plane. Another elder re-named me as the Travel Leader, and they answered to me. I swore to the Lord that if He lost my luggage, I was turning around and going back to Arizona. What do you know-- it only got lost on my way home after my mission! But I was stressed.
They try to warn you before you go on a mission that "It's a lot of work." But no one really explains what that means. It's not a lot of work like digging a trench, it was much more emotional and spiritual work, especially in my mission where we drove cars the entire time. It was hardly ever physical work. But no one tells you that. You just gotta find out for yourself.
Everyone tells me that pregnancy is rough, or that labor is going to hurt like nothing I've felt before. But I don't really know what exactly it's going to be like. So there we are with a new situation, which I DO NOT do well with. So I'm stressed. And it's only just begun. Reading about it just freaks me out more. So what I'm trying to say is: I don't mean to seem like I'm not excited, I am excited deep down, I'm just stressed out.
I know, I know, get a blessing, trust in the Lord, pray about it, blah blah blah. It's still new and stressful. And I haven't even begun to think about once baby is here.
On a happier note: The doctor told me that I actually lost weight since I saw her last. And not because I can't keep any food down. Lately I feel like I can't eat enough! Oh yes, I am one of those annoying women who actually lost weight while being pregnant. Take a moment to hate me now.
Okay, okay, it's still early in my pregnancy, I'm sure it won't last long. But at least I can say it now!
- Candace- Bryan
- Candace and Bryan met in September 2006, got engaged in November 2006, married in February 2007, and sealed in June 2009. Chloe joined the family in November 2009. To contact us you can email us at brycan@gmail.com
"For Once In My Life" by Ronald Miller
For once in my life I have someone who needs me,
Someone I've needed so long.
For once unafraid I can go where life leads me,
And somehow I know I'll be strong.
For once I can touch
What my heart used to dream of,
Long before I knew,
Someone warm like you,
Could make my dream come true.
For once in my life I won't let sorrow hurt me,
Not like it's hurt me before.
For once I've got someone I know won't desert me,
I'm not alone anymore.
For once I can say,
This is mine, you can't take it!
As long as I've got love I know I can make it!
For once in my life,
I've got someone who needs me.
Our Wedding Pictures
8 comments:
Call me a hippie like the rest of the family does, but I thought about those things too. (Just in general, and why Chris and I are so smart to ... "time" it all.)
I understand why it stresses you out, it would stress me out because I dont know how to plan for things I haven't planned before (sounded so dumb. I could pack for a girl's camp or a Gifford family vacation in my sleep but a cruise? I... Stretch pants and swim suits?) But then I watched a show that I thought was gonna be stupid. Its called "Freebirthing".
And because I know you, Can, the thought of freebirthing will make your skin crawl. But watching these women talk about how natural and emotional they thought their pregnancies were/will be, it was inspirational. They showed footage of one couple giving birth at home in a pool, it was just the mom and the dad. The dad was waiting just holding her hand, being supportive, and she was talking to her son. Yeha, he was on his way out and she was having a conversation with him! "Take your time honey, I know its weird. I'll be here to take care of you, I promise". It was amazing. She turned it from "omg-whats-happening-to-my-body-who's-this-kid" to caring for her child, just as she would if he was 2 and fell and scraped his knee.
It was beautiful. And I don't spread that word around willy nilly.
I say this because pregnancy is natural. You'll freak out everyday until my invisible niece pops out and then you'll freak out all over again. But at some point, your body is going to take over. It's going to be instinct SOMETIME.
Man, she really is a hippie.
I say get the epidural!
I think it's fairly natural to be nervous with something this major and this new. But try not to be stressed; cortisol is hard on everyone.
Also, even I found going into the MTC stressful. I was all, "What have I done?! I can still go home. I could just leave and they'd never know."
Your "Travel Leader" story reminds me of the people (like you and me) who just do the entire group project ourselves to ensure that it is done correctly. :) Perfectionists like to be in control of the situation, and pregnancy/childbirth feels completely out of your control, right? As far as the "worst" pain, ever...I'm not so sure. I had epidurals and did great. (If you're going natural, then I guess it could be a different story.) I know people have their horror stories, but after I gave birth the thought came to me, "What's the big deal?" ...not about the baby...about giving birth. It's a beautiful experience but everyone's stories and hype weired me out for no reason. Any time I'd get stressed about being pregnant I would just tell myself that billions of women had been pregnant before (many in less than favorable circumstances) and that if they could do it, I could do it too.
I loved what Nicole said 'billions have done this' and yes so can you!!
Are you able to drive yet?
I called you and your hubby yestereday-hope all is well.
Love ya
So what if I'm a hippie?
People actually say that understanding and allowing the changes your body goes through helps minimize the pain.
Like... I can't think of any examples. I'm usually good at that, darn.
Hey Candace - so happy to hear that your pregnant... reading your post reminded me of the time that we drove out to Power Ranch (it seemed like a long drive at the time) to "hang out" with some guys you had met. So, we go all the way out there walk up to the door and then we both look at each other and chicken out! I share your dislike of new situations... it's gotten better for me, but I still have to "psych" myself out anytime one comes along!
I must have missed the post saying you were expecting! Congratulations! Not to stress you out more, but just like your mission was harder than anyone explained to you, so is motherhood! :) It will test you emotionally and mentally in ways you never imagined. BUT it really is all worth it. There is no greater frustrating joy than being a mother. Good luck!
Candace and Bryan.
I am so happy that you guys are having a baby! And a girl at that! And Candace...don't worry about the pregnancy/delivery stuff it will all happen the way it should for you and there's nothin' you can do about it! Good luck with everything and I hope you are feeling better!
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